Michael Ruddell (pr_toman) wrote,
Michael Ruddell

Havn't posted in a while

I felt the need to post on live journal for some reason. I think this thing is like a long lost jewel from the past. Facebook and myspace don't quite cut it sometimes for journaling and what not. You have to many people that want to use it, twist it and make it their own. For the most part I feel like I am doing okay inside. Debbie and I do good and then we do bad. I think it is normal. Who in this world that is a couple, married and been together 5 years almost, work together and live together don't have some arguments and disagreements? I don't know. I know that I cannot take her inventory. I must only take mine. There is nothing about her that I can change. I can only change the parts of me that are causing problems and hope that change in her will take suit. I truly believe this relationship is worth me changing for the better. I am not opposed to that at all. I want to become a better person, but sometimes it is hard to change the person that I have become. The person that has been trained to act a certain way. It is like breaking free of my own personal chains.

Today is going to be fun I am sure. We have plenty of work to do at the shop. I am going to be there a little early and have been up since about 6:50am or so. IT is way better than yesterday when I woke up late. That was the beginning of some of our problems. I was angry and she felt like I was blaming her and taking it out on them. I totally over reacted I know that, but I tried to move on from there. There is something I am not quite getting and am not sure how to get. Once something bad happens I try to move on and improve on my day. Debbie usually gets stuck on it and stays mad. I am not sure how I should react once I have already messed up. Is there some way to bond out? Can I make it right or am I just being punished for what I have done. It doesn't make sense to me that once I mess up one time that day it ruins it for the whole day. That is really a lot of pressure to not say or do anything wrong. I am not sure that I can do it. It is almost like walking on egg shells. So what do I do from here to change myself for better. I am not sure on that.

Well I call help down from the gods or maybe God is better. Help me not be an ass today. Help me being caring, loving and understanding. Help me control this tongue that you have given me. Help me to say words that build people up and not ones that destroy them. Words are very powerful and I think that I forget that as well as the rest of the world. We can destroy people by our words or build them up. I think it all starts with choice.

Today I woke up and was very nice. I cooked breakfast and was very cordial. I think I have a good start. I just have to maintain that at work. IT will be really hard. What a challenge. I love my family and wouldn't give it up for anything.
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