Michael Ruddell (pr_toman) wrote,
Michael Ruddell
pr_toman

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homeless.. blah..

This morning at 8:30 I was kicked out from where I was staying. I don't care though cuz I had it coming I guess. Loni's stepdad got out of jail monday and he was "regulating". He said that I needed to get up off my ass and do something. Everyone else was still asleep,but I needed to get up and something. I clean that house all the time and offer Dana rent money,but she won't take it. He said that everyone told him how they were tired of me just laying around and blah blah so I was like fine, I'll leave. He woke me up at 8:30 in the morning to help move a dryer out of the house. He kept telling me not to smart off ,but I don't really remember smarting off to him. I got my shit ready and took off walking. I had nowhere to go. I went to the coffee grinder and then erin picked me up. Not my ex.. well she is one of my ex's ,but not erin watts.

I think all the shitty stuff I have done in my life and said is finally catching up to me. I think that I am about to really be hurt. I probably deserve it though. I am going to take care of business here pretty soon. I talked to Krysta earlier today and am supposed to call her back. I don't think she wants to be with me anymore really. I think I am going to make it easy for her. From reading her journal entrys it sounds like to me she likes other people so I am going to make it okay for her to go ahead and date those people. On those surveys they ask do you have a crush on someone and she puts heh. HMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... that sure makes me wonder if she does or not. Shit if you like someone else fucking go for it, thats all I'm saying. That pisses me off that she is gonna go hang out at stephens house without telling me. I mean granted I live at my ex girlfriends house,but we both don't like each other at all and Krysta knows that I am staying there. I know she would have went to stephens house without telling me anything and that makes me upset because I know he still likes her and from the sound of it she likes him and I wonder where that would lead? If we makes her so happy when he calls then why the fuck should I even call anymore? Maybe she should go out with wes and he would make her happier than I am. Obviously I am not making her happy or she wouldn't be so depressed all the time and blah blah. When we got together, I thought she wanted space and to not be smothered. I don't call her for a couple days and she freaks out. I mean she has a right to freak out,but seriously if she has a problem all she has to do is tell me and I will fix it. I care so much about her and would do anything for her,but I know she wouldn't do the same for me. It is completly different because I love her and maybe I shouldn't. I thought this was going to be so great,but now it obviously is going to shit. I dunno what to do anymore. Oh well.. I am sure I am going to get what I deserve in the end.. All I can do is think about Krysta and that sucks... Ah well.. I miss you whenever you read this for what thats worth.,. I'm out..
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